
I remember a few years ago when Porsche announced that the 991.2 Carreras would all be turbo-charged. A few tears were shed that day. I felt like the world was ending. My anguish was purely about one little thing – noise. Or rather, the lack thereof. The age of downsizing and turbocharging had begun. V8 M3s became turbo 6s and just about every hot hatch now came solely with a 2 litre 4 cylinder.

I nearly needed change of underwear
At that time, I was still a designated passenger. I couldn’t care less about torque and fuel economy; I just wanted to sit there and soak up screaming exhaust notes. But as I began to drive cars myself, these other factors started making a bit more sense. The other day I stepped out of a 997 GT3 and got into a new 992 Carrera S. I nearly needed change of underwear. Torque, as it turns out, is a HIGHLY underestimated unit of measure.
So all is good and well then? Not quite. This is only the start. The car industry is constantly being handed more environmental obstacles that are making it harder to keep us audiophiles happy. Some of these new trends make me realise that they won’t be able to keep up the fight much longer.
Turbochargers:
This method of forced induction has been used in top performance cars for decades. Now, however, thanks to tighter emission regulations and the ever competitive “power wars”, the technology is being used in a massive proportion of new vehicles. Turbos work by harnessing exhaust gases in order to force feed more air into the motor. In the process of spinning the turbine, the gases lose energy, and with it, the rhythmic sound of each piston is suppressed. The result is a flatter and less emotional exhaust note than would otherwise be the case.

Thankfully though, there are plenty of ways to eke out some audible excitement from turbo charged cars. The first is to make use of the noises made by the turbo itself. It may not be a 9000rpm scream, but turbo whistles, flutters, whooshes and ‘stu tu tu tu’s” can be very entertaining in themselves.
exhaust pops and bangs and “DSG farts”
And then we have something a bit more controversial. The default way of creating noise nowadays is through exhaust pops and bangs and “DSG farts”. I won’t lie, I am not fully against them (speaking as a teenager that is!). New hot hatches would sound seriously dull without them. Plus, it’s easy to intensify the bangs with an aftermarket downpipe and exhaust.

Please just stay on the civilised side of gunshot noises.
Petrol Particulate Filters:
These soul-sucking creations can owe their origin to the very stringent European emissions laws. As their name suggests, they are a type of filter for exhaust gases. Imagine blowing air through a trumpet that’s clogged up by cotton wool and you’ll get the picture of their effect. PPFs sap sound and power, but unfortunately, they will be finding their way onto most new vehicles. This is one of the sad reasons why AMG V8s no longer bark like they used to. Similarly, the new 718 GT4 with its 4 litre 8000rpm flat six doesn’t produce quite the symphony that the old 3.8 did. So if you’re in the market for a car, you will have to look for something a few years old for the full aural experience.

Noise Regulations:
Now for the saddest new reality. European noise regulations. I can get behind the intentions of most of the new planet-saving gadgets, but how many people really suffer trauma from stock-standard cars sounding ‘too loud”? According to jalopnik.com the new regulations in are “an effort to minimise noise-related stress, potential for high blood pressure, and other health related effects of loud automobiles.” I’m no doctor, but I’m sorry, the old Mercedes A45 idling in traffic was not causing anyone harm. There is no reason to make it quieter. Go find something else to worry about!

noise “cameras”
And how about this one: noise “cameras”. Yup, you read that correctly. In the UK these devices are coming to haunt every true car enthusiast and I’m sure they’ll soon be showing up in a city near you too.
The solution currently being employed by an increasing number of car manufacturers is even more controversial than fake pops and bangs. Playing exhaust sounds through the speaker system, or if they choose to get fancier, “piping exhaust noise into the cabin’. BMW have used it for years, but it’s being adopted by many others now too. I. Just. Can’t.
Electric:
No comment necessary…

Well actually, whilst on this topic, did you know that there are now regulations enforcing noise from electric vehicles? For safety reasons! Yes, electric vehicles now have to legally make a certain amount of “spaceship” noise just so that pedestrians can hear oncoming vehicles. Porsche have taken this artificial aural enhancement a step further, and now you can spec your very own all-electric Taycan with the option of an “Electric Sport Sound”.
I still wonder if the engine notes and noises that us petrolhead know and love so much will die out completely? Is there enough demand for this, or are all cars eventually going to sound like an arcade game? It’s an interesting, open question. All I can say for sure is to enjoy it while it lasts. So spec the sports exhaust on your next new car, or do an exhaust upgrade, or go and buy the “dinosaur” naturally-aspirated car you have always dreamed of owning.
And, if all else fails, you can do what I do: cry yourself to sleep whilst listening to an “Ultimate Porsche RSR Sound Compilation”.
